I’m ashamed to face you tonight. I took some fruit to eat that wasn’t mine. And it tasted sweet in the moment but now it’s bitter on my tongue. It is not like you – it was supposed to bring me something better but didn’t. It lied.

Your sweetness lasts. Your words are honey to my mouth.

I’m ashamed to face you tonight. I know you will look me in the eye, I know somehow you will see my heart. I know you will know all I will ever be; all I am now; all I’ve done.

Your eyes, somehow, range throughout; strengthening the hearts of those who love You.

I am ashamed to face you tonight. I bring you my wealth but not willingly. Buildings, slide shows, equipment because I think that is what you want. I forget the orphans, the heartbroken, the poor in an effort to share your name.

You favor two small copper coins; You love poor widows.

I am ashamed to face you tonight. I sit back, eating with you, and I criticize what is given to you in humility. I think But so much more could have been done with that. I don’t have eyes to see what is sacrificed at your feet. I’m so consumed with my pride. I do not smell the sweet aroma of an alabaster jar emptied in your honor.

You call it a beautiful thing; You reward her with memory throughout generations.

I am ashamed to face you tonight. I listen to words I have no business entertaining. I meet with those who do not see your glory. I ask What are you willing to give? and sit back as thirty pieces of silver are counted.

You are the King of glory. The ancient doors lift up to let You in.

I am ashamed to face you tonight. You’ve poured a cup and have bid me to drink. I sip sloppily but I don’t understand. You say you will be poured out for the forgiveness of sins – of mine own – but I don’t recognize your words.

You are the Lamb who was slain from the foundations of the earth.

I’m ashamed to face you tonight. I tried to defend you with my sword. I was weak and scared. And so I struck with fierceness, chopping at any flesh within my reach. I don’t understand the cup you have to take. I want to empty it for you.

You shall drink the cup Your Father has given you. You love Him more than life.

I am ashamed to face you tonight. They began to make fun of me, calling down curses. I’m afraid of what will happen if they know I follow you. That deep down, I love you. “I don’t know Him!” I yell. “I am no friend of his!” I weep bitterly for I remember. You said this would happen.

You will be declared as Lord in Zion and will be praised in Jerusalem.

I am ashamed to face you tonight. I watch from a distance. Your blood staining my hands; you cry for your Father. I thought you and He were one. I thought He loved you. He has forsaken you. You hang limp and I am broken.

You cry out in a loud voice. You give up Your Spirit.

I am ashamed to face you tonight. You are gone. Sealed up in a borrowed tomb. I can’t get to you; I can’t even mourn for you where you are. The law, the law, the law, it keeps me from you. It is always keeping me from you.

You proclaim freedom to the captives. You release from darkness the prisoners.

I am ashamed to face you tonight. I am crying. I am outside your tomb. I have lost you. I have lost you. I have lost you.

You are raised. You cannot be held by death.

“Woman, why are you crying?” you ask. I speak: “They have taken my Lord away.”
“Woman, why are you crying?” you ask again. I weep: “Sir, please, if you have him, I must know where he is. I must get him.”

Mary.

Kristen.

Rabboni!

I turn to face you. I am free this Resurrection morning. The chains have fallen; I am Yours. I am Yours. I am Yours. Completely.

You are the Resurrection and the Life. You are the Way, the Truth. Everything.

I believe this; know it in my marrow; I live.

This morning, I finally live.

***

He lives. Happy Easter, ladies.