Welcome to our first Leadership Series Q & A!

Over the past weeks as we’ve been leadership chatting, I’ve been asked some questions via email or comments. Since I’ve received some questions multiple times, today I’m going to address the most popular questions. Next Friday we will tackle the next set.

Let’s do this thing!

Q: What challenges do you face as a leader?

A: My biggest challenge as a leader is dealing with the (sometimes) unrealistic expectations placed on me. When you’re at the forefront of any ministry or leadership position, people seek you out.

There can be a constant demand for your time. I find it important to set up clear boundaries, stick to them myself, not allow other’s expectations to become my own, learn to say no and ultimately rest in the knowledge that God has got this thing under control.

Q: How do you get refreshed as a leader?

A: I’m pretty confident those of you who asked this question are well aware of the 24/7 nature of leadership! It can be so tiring. For me, personally, to combat weariness in leadership, I do the following things:

• Meditate on Scripture on the topic of leadership. Right now, I’m doing a study by Kay Arthur on rising to the call of leadership that has me walking through 1 & 2 Samuel. It is challenging me and encouraging me. The Word ALWAYS refreshes when we approach it to grow. By studying how to be a stronger leader, I am rectifying problems before they even have time to sink their roots in! That is refreshing in & of itself.
• Schedule downtime. At the start of 2010 I decided that I was not going to work on the weekends and (for the most part!) I haven’t. This helps me enjoy my off days without deadlines looming over my head. Some of you may lead on the weekends, so schedule a day during the week where you can sit back, drink your favorite hot beverage and relax with a magazine. (I happen to know one I highly recommend!)
• Lead with excellence. It may sound ridiculous that I find refreshment as a leader while leading, but I do. When I am leading my team to the best of my ability, following the Lord with my all and offering Exemplify’s readership with the most excellent resources I can make available at this time, I find myself refreshed! I’m doing what I was made to do and doing it how I was made to do it. Nothing feels better than that!
• Have some fun! Pretty self-explanatory! Enjoy your team, enjoy your leadership, enjoy your job.

Q: What are your thoughts on nurturing friendships as a leader?

A: It is especially hard to be friends with those you lead. There’s a delicate balance needed of camaraderie as well as respected authority which can be tricky. As leaders, I think we need to be mindful of our relationships, pray over the interaction we have with our team and make sure we foster an atmosphere of inclusiveness.

On the other hand, I think it is VITAL to have friendships outside of your leadership role. Just because we are leaders certainly doesn’t mean we don’t want to go shopping with our girlfriends! I try to remember in my friendships that unless my leadership is sought out, it shouldn’t be forced.

Am I a leader? Yes. Do my friends want me leading everything we do? No.

Q: How do you know when God is calling you to step back & rest?

A: While this has not happened to me quite yet, I do have some warning signs I make sure to look for, in case I do need to step back for a season of purposed rest.

They are:

• If I’m neglecting my first & foremost ministry (which would be the people who make up my home). In my case, that would be my husband. If my husband or I felt I was neglecting our marriage because of my leadership role, I’d step back.
• If I’m overwhelmed to the point of calling it quits. Anytime a serious extreme like this comes into play, I think we are wise to step back and take a season of rest before making a drastic decision. Seek God in the quiet before you go announcing things in the loud.
• If He {God} flat out says it. If God says it’s time for some rest, it is time for some rest.

I will be doing another round of Leadership Q & A’s next week.

So, if you have a question you’d like to see answered

feel free to leave it in the comments or email me at exemplify @ me (dot) com.

If you asked a question that was not yet answered, it will be in the coming weeks.

Welcome to the Lessons in Leadership Series! To get caught up, click here.

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Let’s talk ideas today. Serving in a leadership position of any kind more often than not means you will be able to implement new ideas for the betterment of your business, ministry, home or group.

I’ve said it before and I will say it again: I am an idea person. I love coming up with new ideas, hearing new ideas, embracing new ideas, learning about new ideas, setting aside parts of my week to dream about new ideas . . . Well, you get the picture.

My current favorite quote is about this very thing.

“If you have an apple and I have an apple and we exchange these apples then you and I will still each have one apple. But if you have an idea and I have an idea and we exchange these ideas, then each of us will have two ideas.” ~George Bernard Shaw

The Lord has wired me to love the exchange of ideas.

In leadership the question we ask ourselves should not be Is this a good idea? but Is this an idea worth pursuing?

There is a big difference between the two.

A few years ago I did a study on the life of Nehemiah. You’re probably familiar with his story in Scripture. Nehemiah hears this horrible report on the state of Jerusalem and the people of God and is distraught. He weeps, mourns, fasts and prays for days confessing the sins of Israel.

For days Nehemiah humbles himself before the Lord. And then suddenly in verse 11 of chapter 1 we see a turn in the prayer. It goes from mourning to mission.

Nehemiah prays, “make Your servant successful today and grant him compassion before this man.”  What man is that? Well, verse 11 goes on to say, “[Nehemiah] was cupbearer to the king.”

What exactly was Nehemiah asking the Lord to make successful? Chapter 2 answers that question.

Nehemiah says to the king, “”If it pleases you and if your servant has found favor in your sight, send me to the city in Judah where my fathers are buried so that I can rebuild it.”

Ladies, this is huge. This means that while Nehemiah was praying after first hearing about the state of his beloved city, the Lord began to give him a vision – an idea, if you will – to head on out and rebuild it.

The part we need to zoom in on? Nehemiah waited on the Lord before jumping into this vision.

So often we get great ideas, ideas that even have major potential for ministry, but if we are not waiting on the Lord to bring those ideas/visions to life . . . we might as well wrap it up now and call it a day.
How do we know when an idea is from the Lord? When it is worth our pursuit?

After an idea strikes, I ask myself the following six things as I wait on Him for confirmation:

• Am I in God’s will?
• Am I doing the work God has called me specifically to?
• Am I seeking God’s ways?
• Am I walking in accordance to God’s Word?
• Am I offering “whatever & everything I do” for God’s glory?
• Am I dressed in the wardrobe of worship? See Colossians 3:12-14

If we want to be women who serve God and His kingdom effectively and excellently, these questions need to be asked.

How do you know if that awesome idea you have is worth pursuing?

Answering these six questions as you wait on the Lord – just as Nehemiah – may just start you out on the right track.

Next week, let’s talk about ideas we do get the definite go-ahead with just like Nehemiah did and how to go about implementing them with excellence.

I can’t wait! This is, after all, my most favorite topic.

Welcome to the Lessons in Leadership Series!

We touched last week on the top 5 enemies of excellence.

• Pride
• Perfectionism
• Complacency
• Working outside our giftedness
• Lack of boundaries

Your challenge last week was to identify the enemy of excellence you most struggle with. Some of you did a shout out in the comment section on your biggest struggle. I loved getting to hear the whys and hows behind your own leadership.

I’ve talked publicly before about the biggest enemy of excellence for me: perfectionism. For those of us who err on the side of workaholic, I think this particular enemy is the worst. Thankfully, once we’ve identified which enemy we tend to gravitate toward, it is easy to begin the steps to combat it! Not to mention we have a God who forgives! Isn’t grace awesome?

Today I want to look at a few things concerning the first three enemies we identified.

• Pride - Many of us serve in online ministry whether through our blogs, websites, various social outlets, etc.  Online ministry does present us with a unique challenge when it comes to pride. Stats, hits, site numbers and followers really do have a place. Attention has to be given to these things (in moderation!!) to build an effective ministry. It is is when we give these things the first place in ministry that excellence quickly begins to diminish. Many of us may also serve in churches or in an extracurricular setting. The challenge here (as well as online ministry) is that those in leadership will often be “elevated” in the eyes of those they lead.

How can we serve humbly; serve God fully without serving our egos?

James 4:10 says, “Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up.”

This verse is telling us that if we submit voluntarily to our God, allowing ourselves to be corrected, allowing ourselves to be humbled, He will lift us up.

I wonder today how often we are in a posture of true, honest humility before the Lord.

Do we submit our wills to His voluntarily?

This is the mark of an excellent leader.

• Perfectionism – Pride and perfectionism tend to go hand in hand. The dangerous thing about perfectionism is that is causes use to serve through falsehood. No one is perfect!

I’ve found a surefire way to burn out fast in ministry is to pursue perfectionism as opposed to excellence.

Psalm 119:96 says it best, “To all perfection I see a limit; but your commands Lord are boundless.”

We do the kingdom the most powerful work when we recognize the limits of perfection and the boundless freedom of God.

• Complacency – This would be self satisfaction with an existing situation. For sure, a child of pride. However, complacency often masks itself. It has a tendency to quietly blow out the fire we once had for whatever it is we are doing in ministry. Often times, complacency will swoop in after a ministry begins to run effectively. We find that our hard work is finally reaping results, we have a system set up that is working well for us and suddenly…we stop progressing forward and start coasting at this new found comfort zone.

Complacency is dangerous for this very reason!

We begin to feel the “quiet pleasure or security” in our current state without looking forward.

I want to point out we are wise to not confuse being complacent as being patient! We may find ourselves in a season of ministry where the Lord really does ask us to stay put. There is nothing wrong with that! It is obedience to follow the Lord’s lead and do as He says.

However, patience is an active waiting. Complacency is not.

Complacency says, “I will stop right here because I am satisfied with myself.”

Patience always says ,”I will wait on the Lord because in Him I find satisfaction.”

We will find ourselves in seasons of waiting. Ministry ebs and flows. Some months we may find our stats or feedback is down and other months we may find them way up. When they are up and things are going well, we should never take that as our cue to get complacent.

Christ Jesus is about activity. His Spirit is continually on the move.

And if we want to be women who embed excellence into our ministries, our homes, our workplace, we need to make it our prayer that we come before Him with patience not complacence.

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Each of the 3 enemies we discussed today are associated with pride. Let’s get proactive and tackle these enemies head on.

Ask the Lord to give you a humble spirit. We want to be women who humble ourselves before Him. Let us be women who readily submit our will to His own and accept His correction.

This next week as you lead, be on the lookout for opportunities to not only humble yourself before the Lord, but to surrender any areas of perfectionism or complacency.

Look for patterns that may present themselves. Do you notice you tend to get caught up in pride in a specific area of your leadership? Is there a friend or mentor you can turn to for accountability in how you handle this situation? Someone you can openly share your struggle with and pray with about it?

Leaders need to be able to confide in someone. Leadership is so often a lonely road. Everyone wants a piece of you and yet often no one takes the time to encourage you or befriend you on a more personal level.

If you do have a confidant you can confide openly in, do it! Share your heart, your leadership struggle and how you are going to turn this thing around with the power of the Lord on your side. If you don’t have someone right now you can easily share with, bring that need before the Lord. He knows how hard this job is!

Confide in the Lord your struggles and be encouraged by His grace and love.
Next week we are going to tackle working outside our giftedness and lack of boundaries: two very ugly enemies of excellence!

Until next time!

*I apologize for getting this up so late in the week! I injured myself earlier this week and it threw me off a bit! Next week, I’ll be right on time. Bright and early even.

For more in this series:

• Lessons in Leadership 1 – The Incredible Word
• Lessons in Leadership 2 – 5 Enemies of Excellence

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

I’m sure you’ve heard that prayer many times, and if you’re like me you probably associate it with AA (Alcoholics Anonymous).  But have you ever applied it to your own everyday life? In the past year, I’ve thought about this, and prayed this prayer, so many times.  Whether it’s dealing with my family, my job, my appearance (dieting, anyone??).  But I’d never heard or read the rest of it until a few months ago…

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.

Reinhold Niebuhr

How can we not take this simple prayer and apply it to all areas of our life?  What if we could truly and completely live “one day at a time, enjoying one moment at a time” and accepting that whatever God has in store for us is totally in His control?  How freeing would that be?  What if we could truly accept the world as Christ did – warts and all – and surrendering it all to His Will?

Is “reasonably happy” enough for us?  We spend so much time and energy trying to make the world as we “would have it“, not as God has designed it from before Creation. Am I saying we shouldn’t try to improve our world?  Of course not! But there are some things that we simply can’t control, and some of those things will make us unhappy.  But if we can accept God’s Will in our lives, in our world, we can be “reasonably happy” on this earth until we join Him in Heaven.

Is that enough for you?

When I look at the devastation in other parts of the world – in Haiti, in war-torn countries, in the rural areas struck by devastation in the form of unemployment, poverty, loss of land and homes, in the hospital corridors where loved ones cry out for those in their lives with terminal illness… The more I see these things, the more I realize that “reasonably happy” is not only enough, it’s more than I ever deserve.  But through Christ’s promises, that’s what I am assured during my time here, if I only surrender to Him completely.

What do you need to surrender today to be reasonably happy? Are you trusting God to take care of it, or are you still clinging to the hope that you can make a change that only He is capable of making?  Are you “trusting that He will make all things right“? And most importantly, have you surrendered completely to His will in that situation?

Please take a moment to think about an area of your life that you still struggle to surrender to the Lord.  Now take a moment to ask His forgiveness for trying to control it yourself. Turn it over to Him completely, and be prepared for a change – if not in your situation, in you! Let us know, through a comment or link up, how we can pray for you to let go of this problem – there is power in numbers!

Hi Ladies! Before we get started on this week’s project, let’s take a moment to remember and say our Bible verse that is guiding us through our Getting it Together in 2010 projects:

Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved, a worker who has no need to be ashamed…  2 Timothy 2:15

How did you do on your recipe organization last week?

If you’re like me, with the best intentions but not quite as much time, you may not have gotten it ALL together. Hopefully we all got started, though. I’m still working on getting all the recipes clipped from my stack of magazines, and can’t wait to start filing them!

This week, let’s take a look at the pantry. It’s a lot harder to cook a meal if you don’t know where your ingredients are! Here are a few tips to help us organize our cabinets this week, so that we can focus more time in 2010 on the things that matter: God, family, and more fun than hunting for the last can of cream of mushroom soup!

• Remove everything from your shelves – everything! You can’t organize what you can’t see.
• Wipe your shelves and make sure they are a clean slate. If you’re like me, you probably haven’t done this in quite awhile. Put down new shelf paper if you’d like.
• Sort your pantry items on the table/counter – like with like. All soups together, all cereals together, and so on.
• Access your space. Think about investing in some inexpensive tiered shelves (I found some at Walmart for just a few dollars), door racks to hold small items like spices or cooking sprays,  or odd-shaped bottles.
• Try to put perishables in air-tight containers: flour, sugar, etc.  This will help keep your shelves clean and keep little critters at bay. You can find these containers at the dollar store or most any other place that sells household items. Good ol’ mason jars work well, too!
• Begin putting your items back in the pantry in ways that are convenient for you – this isn’t a one size fits all project. For instance: If you’re “vertically challenged”, you may not want the items that you use daily to be on the very top shelf.  Likewise, no one needs items they use once a year (think serving platters with holiday themes!) in the kitchen every day.  Find another home for seasonal items and free up space for everyday use.

What are your best tips for organizing your food items and paper goods in the kitchen or pantry?

Let’s all chip in and help one another to tackle this area this week.  We spend a lot of our life searching for missing items at home – let’s all cut out one source of searching so we can free up that time for more worthy pursuits and so that we can be “ workers who [have] no need to be ashamed“!

At this time of year, it’s easy to be thankful for our many blessings in life:  family, food, shelter, jobs, everything that we have been given over the course of the year…  the list can go on and on.

But how many of us ever take time to thank God for the things that we have lost?

Philippians 3:8 says “What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things.  I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ…” (NIV)

It is  sometimes hard to see in the moment that your unanswered prayers are the best for us. We think we must have this thing, or that person, in our lives. But we have to remember that the one who created us knows much more than we about what is best. We are told to ask and believe, as if it is already so.  Some call this the “name it and claim it” form of prayer. I’m personally not a fan of this – at least not in the way that some people today think it works. But that’s for another post…

The Bible says “This is the confidence that we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. And if we know that he hears us–whatever we ask–we know that we have what we asked of him.” (1 John 5:14,15 NIV)

The key words here being “according to his will“.

Many times, we ask for things that are not in alignment with His Will.  Sometimes we may get what we request in prayer – through our own means – but if it is not according to his will we will ultimately lose it.  And often, we don’t lose it until after suffering much pain. This is the result of our not trusting in God’s Will…in not trusting Him for everything that we need in this life.

How hard is it for us to be thankful for our losses? As I grow in my Christian walk, I’m amazed at the people and things that I am thankful NOT to have in my life anymore.  There are those that I can look back on and thank God that I don’t have them anymore because, in each case, I can see that they were a hindrance to my spiritual growth and my relationship with Jesus. Does this take time? Definitely! Sometimes many, many, many years pass before we can see the fruitfulness of our losses. But we can hold tight to the Word, which tell us  “And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God” (Romans 8:28). When we grasp this and truly believe it, we free ourselves to praise and worship and rejoice in our losses.

ALL THINGS.  Even our losses.  Sometimes – especially our losses!

This Thanksgiving, don’t just be thankful for the things you’ve gained – thank God for the things you’ve lost, as well.  Count them all rubbish, for you have gained Christ!

What is something that you have lost that you are thankful not to have now?

What do you call “rubbish” because you’ve gained Christ by losing it?

Let’s talk about it!  Comment below and/or link up using the Mr.. Link button below!

Weekly, Melinda will share what’s on her mind (you’re going to love her sense of humor!) and then turn the tables on you, asking for your take. You can either answer The Weekly Whatever right here in the comment section or write a post on your own blog about it and link up below.

Whatever you decide, we can’t wait to chat with you!

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‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’

In one form or another, this is the question all of us ask when we sit down to a meal. As we look at the menu, or through the kitchen cupboards while planning home-cooked meals, we ask ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’

How often do you find yourself sitting around discussing the latest diet fad with your girlfriends? Or how tight your clothes have gotten? Or how you wish you could just lose that last 5 (or 50) pounds? And if you happen to be having a meal with these friends at the time, you find yourselves bemoaning how much you’ll have to work out to get rid of the Volcano Super Brownie Fudge Blast you all just had for dessert or even the salad dressing that you used on your “healthy” lunch…

I notice this more and more lately whenever I’m with a group of women. So much of our conversations are centered around negativity toward our bodies and obsession with our diets. ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’

I can’t begin to count the number of hours I’ve spent researching nutrition, diets, exercise, logging calories and fat grams and carb counts. I know enough about fitness to write a book – so why can’t I get back into shape?? Perhaps because I’ve been trying to learn too much about weight loss and not enough about the God who made me just the way He wanted me to be. ”

So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them.” (Matthew 6:31-32)

Last night at my Ladies Bible Study, I had a light bulb moment about Matthew 6…

* What if I took all the time that I have been obsessing over my weight/body shape/reading food labels and instead spent that time in prayer?

* What if, instead of reading the latest self-help book to “Banish the Bulge!”, I spent it reading the Word of God?

* What if — I embraced the fact that God made me in His image, in His Almighty perfect creation, with His grace and love no matter what size I might be?

How many hours have I wasted trying to educate myself about worldly things such as how much I weigh and what size is sewn into my waistband instead of spending time with my Creator? Yes, God wants us to be healthy and fit – our bodies ARE His temple, and gluttony is still a sin. But what He wants more than a fit body is a fit soul – a relationship with us, our time, our commitment to Him. Perhaps if we spend more time savoring His presence, we can let Him guide us to make the healthiest choices for our bodies.

“But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” Do you need to seek Him first? To put aside the vanity and obsession with your body and your dietary habits and your worry about how much you’re exercising (or not) – and focus more on your time with your God? Do you need to look more on what He says instead of the latest ladies magazine you got in the mail screaming “Drop 14 lbs in One Week!”? I do!

What do you think about this “light bulb moment”? Do you think that if we make ourselves more spiritually fit that we will be more physically fit? Or do you feel that they are mutually exclusive? I’m anxious to see if anyone else has ever read this verse in that context… Let’s talk about it!

Comment below or link back to this post and get feedback from your readers!